I'm off for 3 days in a row which is kind of awesome. Today is probably the only day I was able to get out of Hot Springs.

I went to Little Rock. Good food. Good movie. With good friends. I just really enjoyed an evening with the girls. So as we're waiting for our movie to start this song comes on the overhead speaker. It's called "Hold My Heart" by Sara Bareilles. The title was a saying I know well and made me wanted to look up the lyrics...because how can you really pay attention to the lyrics of a song in a crowded movie theater? Here they are:

I never meant to be the one to let you down
If anything, I thought I saw myself going first
I didn't know how to stick around
How to see anybody but me be getting hurt

I keep remembering the summer night
And the conversation breaking up the mood
I didn't want to tell you you were right
Like the season changing, oh, I felt it too

Does anybody know how to hold my heart
How to hold my heart?
'Cause I don't want to let go, let go, let go too soon

I want to tell you so before the sun goes dark
How to hold my heart
'Cause I don't want to let go, let go, let go of you

I'm not the kind to try to tell you lies
But the truth is you've been hiding from it too
I see the end sneaking in behind your eyes

Saying everything no words could ever do

Does anybody know how to hold my heart
How to hold my heart?
'Cause I don't want to let go, let go, let go too soon

I want to tell you so before the sun goes dark
How to hold my heart
'Cause I don't want to let go, let go, let go of you

Is anybody listening?
'Cause I'm crying
Is anybody listening?

Does anybody know how to hold my heart
How to hold my heart?
'Cause I don't want to let go, let go, let go too soon

I want to tell you so before the sun goes dark
How to hold my heart
'Cause I don't want to let go, let go, let go of you

They struck me. Very profound. I dunno, maybe its just the day or what but it made me a little emotional. And let me tell you...that doesn't happen that often these days.

I can't live in my head or thoughts like I used to. I don't sit around and dwell or analyze like I once did. I literally can't live like that. That doesn't mean that I don't still think. I would hope no one would want to be friends with a person that just doesn't think. But just because I don't spend my quiet moments in deep analysis of self or situation, doesn't mean I don't recognize my shortcomings and where I can do better or when I fail, in action or words.

Alas, its a day by day thing. Well life is that way anyway. We are not promised tomorrow or minutes from now even. Too short to waste. To not be the best us. I don't know that I or anyone else will "arrive". But heck if I won't keep trying to be the woman my God desires me to be.

So this is what just being looks like? I've been working on that literally for years.

These days life is different. In a good way. Of course we all have ups and downs. Tis life.

The Lord has brought us all through a lot. He's so faithful like that.

Inspiration.

I love love this blog:

http://abeautifulmess.typepad.com/my_weblog/2010/11/sister-love.html

I have been following Elsie's blog since I was a freshman in college. I am so inspired that she and her sister went after their dream and made it a reality.

It just really inspires me that I can too, ya know?

They also seem to have a really beautiful sisterhood. And that blesses me.

A close friend of mine played me this song today and said it reminded her of me. It's called "Roll Away Your Stone" by Mumford and Sons. When she played it for me, this part kindof bowled me over:

It seems that all my bridges have been burned
But you say 'That's exactly how this grace thing works’
It's not the long walk home that will change this heart
But the welcome I receive with every start

My favorite is the first 2 lines...How incredible beautiful is that?! I want to show that kindof grace. I feel that is one of the main things that keeps some of my closest friendships going.

That even in their darkest times, there is this grace thing that is a canopy.

I am so undeserving of that from my God, but He extends it anyway.

I love that I have friends who want to be more like Him.

I hope that is an example that I too can live under.