Just for Rambles...

It was a GORGEOUS Monday. I just so happened to be off.

Skipping class this morning seemed like the best choice. I was still up by 8:30 and got stuff done.

When I got to Little Rock, I went to the park by the Arts Center where my afternoon class is. I took a towel to lay on and I read.

I also embroidered for the first time in a long time. My nana taught me before she went to Heaven. It felt perfectly natural in my imperfect way of trying to figure out my creative process and getting back into the swing of it.

After class, the cool breeze and sunny spot in the grass were too appealing to drive away from. So I read some more.

I got 3 books in the mail today. I love books. And I love mail. One of the books I got is called "The Poor will be Glad". Its about micro finance and a way of teaching sustainable ways of living to impoverished parts of our world. The statistics are humbling and astonishing.

I've been thinking a lot about this idea of "changing the world". Where does one even begin with that? Can one even do that? That's quite a big task.

I do want to make a lasting impact on this earth for my God. But don't ask how I want or plan to do that. I will have no answer for you. I wish I knew what I was supposed to be doing with my life. Yeah, yeah, yeah...I'm supposed to be here. In Hot Springs. I really am trying to let that be enough.

This job comes with a beautiful gift of free time that can be used to be super productive...I want to use that time. Sometimes I wonder if the things I can offer even matter? I feel way to all over the place to commit also...that is a problem my friends...the older I get, I feel more and more non-commital to everything...I do NOT want to be like that...

I want to build a fort. I see all these awesome forts that people build online (yes, grown-ups do this sometimes...). I don't know why that's appealing. Maybe its a way of reviving the child in my heart that feels pretty caged these days.

Today when I was laying in the grass after class, I had to literally restrain myself from just running over all the grass...it was just open space..I just seemed to beckon "please come run through me and IMAGINE"...I have friends that would call this the only child in me...and thats ok because that was my childhood. Empty spaces that became exotic lands far off....I don't want to ever lose that.

Does that make me immature? Childish? Foolish even?

I really wished I could have had someone there to enjoy that with me. Maybe that is something that has changed since my childhood.

Today was one of those days I wanted to roll down my windows. I wish I had.

I can't write on plain white paper. Well, I can, but I don't like to. I need lines. Isn't that weird for a person who likes to be creative?

I submitted a piece of photography that is one of my favorites into a local art exhibit. It's just a one night exhibit about celebrating women.

I got in!

It isn't a big deal but I am excited to be a part of this community. It felt really good that someone thought my art was good enough to be there. ...it isn't often that I feel what I do matters...but it just has to somewhere, right? I think it matters to my family. And some of my friends.

Why would God give me something, be it ever so small, without having some kind of purpose?

There just has to be a purpose. I choose to cling to that.

I move from 4th floor to 2nd floor tomorrow. I will get the opportunity to have close community with a new group of great girls. I think it is going to be good, even though I will miss my 4th floor girls in such a close capacity.

A Milli just came on my itunes. This song brings back a ton of memories from last year.

I just want to dance. Let's be honest. I do that in my room. Not as fun without people. Except when I want to try out new moves. Thats always best in private so I don't make a fool, even though I guess technically I do that in public...lol

Now I'm on a Boat just came on....oh, good times...I remember dance circles. And playing in a down pour. And having reasons to get dressed up. Ah, Malibu.

Yes, those were good times.

But so are these. So are these.

I'm going to prom on Saturday. I'm pumped.

I found out that I probably wont get to take a photo class this summer. I am hoping for a job while I'm still in Conway. There are some other things I hope to do. Like make colored pancakes. And at some point, I will watch the sunrise/sunset from the roof...And I want to take Rummi to the park. And swim in the lake. I've never just had a summer to be with friends. I can't wait to just be....

Well, I should scoot. I'm in the middle of a very special project. My heart is in it...and it beckons me.

gee, it felt good to ramble...