Ancora Imparo

Michaelangelo said those words not long before his death. Translated from Italian, it means, "I am still learning."

Don't you hate when you realize you've been doing something all wrong. The whole time, as you strive, it doesn't make a difference because it wasn't the right way. I'm thankful my God extends me grace. A grace I once thought I was pretty good at showing....how wrong was I.

And when I say wrong, I don't mean that in a putting down upon self way. But it was a revelation I had today. One that simply said, "Just stop."

It is not one thing. It is many.

Hello, change. It's nice to see you again. I haven't really liked you much before, but I think we might as well be friends.

I hate being blinded by myself.

I listened very carefully to this song today and I cry it out as my prayer.

If you have never heard the anointed voice of Kari Jobe, follow this link to hear her sing this song:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A3Jv1Hf2oCw

Here are the lyrics:

Here before your altar,

I am letting go of all I've held...
of every motive, every burden,

everything that's of myself.

And I just wanted to wait on You, my God.
I just want to dwell on who You are.

Beautiful, beautiful,

oh, I am lost for more to say.

Beautiful, beautiful oh Lord,
You are beautiful to me.

Here in your presence,

I am not afraid of brokenness.
To wash Your feet with humble tears,

I would be poured out till nothing's left.

Beautiful, beautiful,

oh, I am lost for more to say.

Beautiful, beautiful oh Lord,
You are beautiful to me.

Holy, Holy, Holy, You are You are.

Holy, Holy, Holy, You are You are.

Holy, Holy, Holy, You are You are.

Holy, Holy, Holy, You are You are.

Beautiful, beautiful,

oh, I am lost for more to say.

Beautiful, beautiful oh Lord,
You are beautiful to me.

Even if I don't know who I am, I have to rest in knowing my God does. Knows my soul. Knows the beat of my heart. And can carry me when am broken into bits.

I hate brokeness and the vulnerability that comes with it.

I think I was shattered today, but the good kind.

Hello to stop trying. At so many things.

Hello to learning to be carried as my legs are being made stronger in weakness.

Hello to a confidence my God placed in me that I dismissed for way too long.

Hello to learning to dance again as my legs stop wobbling. But right now, I'm working on walking. Dancing will come soon.

Dancing with a balance and grace my God taught me how to do.

Not with the balance I have been going on. It wasn't balance.

Some days I may crawl, but I haven't thrown away the good kind of try and strive.

I feel free in a way. Free from myself.

As I let go of the things I thought I knew, I feel chains break off. Chains that I locked down. Not to people or situations. Just to lies and anger. Stuff from my past.

Sharing is a different kind of vulnerability I'm not sure I like but know that with it comes accountability. Which I'm also not sure I like. But like I said, hello, change.

I don't want to bury myself under business and once that is gone, find all of this under the rubble.

So even though I don't know what's next, at least I know I'm being carried by my God instead of crawling on the floor trying to find my way.

*Another great song to hear: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hu09HSHbE64