I'm too young for an Identity Crisis

Yet that seems to be whats going on here.

For my entire life, I have found identity in one. simple .word.

Student.

Applications. Surveys. Resumes. All questions could be answered (or avoided) by writing those 7 letters that spell a word that holds so much weight.

I didn't even know I allowed it to identify me so.

But now I find myself no longer a student. No longer bound to that 7 letter word. Yet most of my being screams to release all rights to the freedom I have now to be identified any way i want and run back into the confines of that one descriptive word.

isnt it weird how we're like that? we long for one thing only to get that thing and then want to turn back.

letting go. not something im good at.

this whole idea of identity is just baffling in the work force. this isn't your typical nine to five. Who am I to these students I live with and coworkers I interact with?

One time, I found my identity in the ideals people had built up about me. It took a painful look in the mirror to say, "No, actually, I'm not."

Then there was this other time when people perceived me one way and I wanted a mega phone to shout "YOU AREN'T LOOKING CLOSE ENOUGH."

In the work place, or at least in this work place you have little staff meetings that give you little self evaluations to establish things like how one deals with conflict or what leadership style one has.

Well let me tell you something. Those are wrong. At least mine were. Well, some were true. But let me give you an example.

In a self eval about how I deal with conflict, all my answers (to vague and wide spread questions, mind you) gave me a grand total of avoidance. Me? An avoider? of conflict? perhaps in the way of steering clear of things that would create conflict ie drama, youre not welcome. deuces. but when conflict rises i don't think i avoid. I don't blow up and fix it right away but I dont avoid.

And then, apparently my leadership style is an S. Strengths to an S-leadership type include risk taking, socially skilled and inspiring. Ok. Ish.

But my weaknesses? Overbearing. Intimidating. Pushy. Oh and this one got me. Manipulative.

manipulative? am i really?

suffice to say i think they're inaccurate and that those things are not part of my identity. but let's be honest, do I even know how to identify myself at this point in life? Let me give it a whirl:

confused yet slowly understanding

overwhelmed yet hopeful

inadequate yet somehow adequate